Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. Today is a rough day for Mom as you can probably guess. Yup.. today is 4 months to the day that you left this world and entered Heaven. The horror of this whole day 4 months ago haunts me. Every detail of every minute of seeing you there in the hospital. Talking to you and holding your hand and getting no response from you. Knowing the whole time I was there I knew I was going to have to let you go. I knew that your minutes on Earth with me were few. I have gone through some tough sh*t myself in this life and multiple times with you, but NOTHING can compare to what I had to do and witness that early June evening. My world slipped away the minute your heart stopped beating. I remember just sitting there in the room with you. Talking to you and crying softly alone. So many things going through my head. What laid ahead of me and details that needed to be taken care of. The very thought of knowing you were never coming back to me. We would never talk or laugh or see one another again. I know everyone tells me that you are always around and I am never really without you. I do get that and understand but it is so not the same. I want to be selfish and I want more time. I want this to be a damn 4 month nightmare and I will be waking up soon and seeing your face and hearing your voice. I want this to be a mistake. You were too young. You had so much to live for still. You and I had so many conversations to have and things to laugh about. You were suppose to get married and I was suppose to be the proud Mom. These things will never happen now..not ever and I am so angry at this. It makes me so sad and I hurt like hell because of it. Please don't think I am angry at you because I am not. I never would or could be. You were such a trooper and did a tremendous job on a daily basis. You were a fighter and I am so proud to have called you my son. I was so honored to be your Mom. I miss so much Tyler. I love you with all my heart and soul. I know you are happy and flying high and free. I know I am proud of you still. I always will. 
 I need to stop writing right now because I can't see my computer screen. I will write more later though. I love you my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!