Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet precious son. How are you doing today? I hope that it is as bright, sunny, and warm up in Heaven today as it is here in Texas for Mom. I just got off the phone with Aunt Becky. We were talking about her trip down here next week. They will be hitting the road on Sunday and going to Pennsylvania for a couple days and then heading down to Texas for a couple days to see me and to bring me my car. It will be so nice to have it down here after 9 months of paying for it an it not being used and just sitting at Meme's house. I will be able to go out during the day and go shopping and do things..anything instead of always being in the apartment alone. I am looking forward to that nice change. It was really nice of Aunt Becky and Uncle John to offer to do this for me. It will be nice to see family and familiar faces for a change. I miss home and our family and friends so much. We lead such different lives and it is so hard to find the time to just skype with them. It is sad but I understand. The time change makes it hard too. I am used to it now. I should be after almost 10 months of living in the " central time " zone. Hmm... as I was just typing that.. I was just thinking.. wow...10 months have passed already. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to believe that I live in Texas. It is surreal. At times I feel like I am on vacation.. an extended vacation that is and I will be back in NH soon. Funny how that is. Aunt Becky was saying that it was cold there. There was ice on her deck this morning and there had been a good frost. You know what that means... yup..snow will be flying for them any time now. I can remember you being little and there was snow on the ground at Halloween. It has been high 70's to mid 80's here and at night middle 60's. I can handle that! I don't envy them on the cold/snow thing anymore. I think I would like to be near it and vacation in NH to see snow but not ever have to deal with oil/ fuel/furnaces/ shoveling again. I guess if I did move back there I wouldn't be a home owner. Then I would just pay rent and have someone else worry about all those things! I enjoyed having a home when you were alive and with me. Since you passed nothing feels like home. They say " Home is where the heart is " ... guess my feelings are true then... nothing feels like home because my heart has been broken into tiny pieces. I don't believe that my heart will ever be whole again. Your death haunts me daily. I see you laying in the hospital bed, I see the monitor showing me that your heart is slowing down, I see myself looking at you.. you seem peaceful. I see the gray/blueish skin tone and then I see the monitor reading your heart has stopped and it flat lines to nothing while I am holding your cold little hand. The tears streaming down my face. Lost and then the nurse comes in and has to pronounce you " gone ". Next we are at your " wake ". I see you laying there. I touch your face and kiss you. So cold, so lifeless. The tears come again. I say to myself that this is a bad dream. This isn't happening. Why can't I wake up? These memories haunt me. I wonder will they ever go away? Not now.. but maybe someday they will. My emotions are still so raw and painful. 
 I keep thinking that there is 8 more days to Halloween. Your favorite time of the year. I left all my decorations behind in NH so I didn't decorate. Don't think I really would have anyways. I decorated for you. It was fun for me and  loved seeing your face. It brought me so much joy. I had to laugh because on FB there was a test to see how well you knew the Nightmare Before Christmas movie. I started to take the test and got to question 2 and I couldn't answer it. I laughed at myself and said out loud " Tyler, you would whip right through these and you would get a 100% ". Now if it was a 90210 quiz.. that would be different..LOL! Hey.. stop rolling your eyes and saying, Mom! I can hear you now! Gosh how I miss you and your voice. I miss your big brown eyes and your super long eyelashes that you had. I miss everything about you. I love you so dang much!
 One last thing I wanted to tell you is that I watch the show " Long Island Medium " well the lady: Theresa Caputo who is the Medium and Star of the show is doing a book signing here in Texas on November 5th. I am going to go have her sign a book and meet her. It is not a " reading session " that day but if Spirit has something to say then she will tell that person. I am really hoping that you will be strong and want to get a message to me that day. I would love to hear from you. It would mean the world to me. Just keep it in your mind and I will let you know as the day approaches. I am excited to be going. I really believe in what she does. I think it is amazing!
 I have to get going for now my sweet son. Honestly, I have a hair cut very soon. As usual I will be looking for my bright shining star tonight in the sky and I will be whispering to you. Hope you hear me! I miss you like crazy and love you so much more. To the moon & back and all away around the world.  Sweet dreams to you my pumpkin. Fly high and fly free. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!