Dear Tyler,

Hello sweetheart! How are you today on this fine Tuesday? I hope that you are well. Another warm one in Texas today. Really liking the weather here when I hear that NH is only in the 40's now and they are predicted to get snow tomorrow. They all can have that white stuff. I am definitely not missing that this year. I was thinking the other day what exactly the Holidays are going to look like for me this year. Halloween is in 2 days..I am partial to this because it was your favorite. Thanksgiving will be quiet. Probably on the phone taking to family and friends and just dinner for 2 while watching football on tv and Christmas will be the hardest. Mom loved to decorate and buy and spoil you with gifts. This year I have 5 people to buy for. That is it. Boy have times changed. I remember years ago having to buy for 18 people, then it went down to just buying for the kids and then all you kids grew up. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to get a Christmas tree this year. I am still not sure. Thank God I have a few weeks to think about it! I was thinking that somehow you might get mad at me for putting one up. Maybe you would think that I was just going on with my life without you in it and I was doing just fine. Truth is if I put a tree up this year it would be for you. I would hope that you would come and visit me and see the xmas tree all decorated and lit up. I remember how much you loved the lights. I am not even sure what to do and how to feel about everything. If I had my way I would wish that everyone would skip the Holidays so I didn't have to see everyone so chipper and happy when I am not. I guess you could say that I am bitter. I am sick of seeing everyone so happy with their lives and their families. Hearing about all the fun times. I just put a fake smile on my face and say how happy I am for them. I know that is awful and sounds terrible.. it is, but no one bothers to stop and think of what I am going through before they speak. They forget or don't think before their words come out. Deep down I really am happy for them and glad they are making memories with their loved ones, children, and families but I just have a hard time expressing things lately because I am hurting inside. I want those things again with you and that will never happen. I want more years with you. I want more memories to make and more everything with you. I miss you so much. I want to turn the back time and freeze it. I want to cherish every second of every day. If only I had a crystal ball and knew....
 Anyways.. enough of that. I know you know how I feel and what I mean and that's all that matters. I love you so very much. You still are my everything. Always will. So... not much else is new. Making sure everything is in order and clean so that when Aunt Becky & Uncle John show up in 3 days I will be completely ready. I am really looking forward to seeing them and having some family here. It will so be nice to see familiar faces again. It has been way to long. It will be nice to also have some company. They should be arriving sometime on Thursday or early Friday morning. Still not sure what we are going to do though. I know we are taking Aunt Becky to a store called the Magik Cauldron and then to an Irish Pub. That will be fun, but not sure with the other couple days. Will have to wait and see what they want to do. Make sure to stop on by. Would love for you to visit. You are always welcomed here. You should know that..right?
 Well it should be a clear sky tonight so I will be looking up and seeing you, my bright shining star. As always.. I will be whispering to you so be listening. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you and I love you to the moon & back. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!