Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin. How are you today? I hope you had the best day that you possibility could have! Mom is doing well but have been quite emotional. It has been kind of a off day for me. I have been chatting with a gal that I knew in high school. She lost her son a few weeks ago. It just opened up wounds that I thought were kind of healing for Mom. I feel her raw pain. It made me so sad and the tears just rolled down my face all day long. I was telling her that everyone has lost loved ones and friends at some point but it doesn't even match when a parent loses a child. It is so different and the pain is so intense. I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I hurt so bad. I miss you beyond words can say. I wrote on my status today that I wish that Heaven had visiting hours. I would be there all day everyday. Heaven would have to kick me out because I wouldn't want to leave you. I would want to stay and be your Mom again. I miss being a Mom. I long to be your Mommy again. I want to live my life with you here with me. I want to be able to learn things together with you not without you. I find myself helping others which I don't mind or have a problem with, but I think I need to work on myself too. I guess there are many days that I am in total denial. I still think you are somewhere on vacation and just can't chat with me and then there are other days I am in reality and know exactly what happened. I need to deal with all that has happened. I guess I need to be honest with myself. I love you with all my heart. I know you know that. I know you knew how much I loved you. That was so important to me. 
 I know this is a short letter tonight but my head is just pounding from all the emotions and crying I have done today. I need to get off the computer and just rest my eyes. I promise to write more tomorrow. I hope you have a great night. Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!